I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
