Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
