some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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