the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
