Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
