Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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