so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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