mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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