im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
