Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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