Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
