I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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