Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't think brook has ever known best
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
