Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
