i would punch a child for taco bell
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
