My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
