Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
