Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
