Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
