I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
