Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
