I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
