I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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