an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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