i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
