Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
