HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
