We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize