mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
