i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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