Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
