Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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