i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
