The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
