his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The air was thick with penises
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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