respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize