the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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