I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
