she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
