did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
