wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
