now i know why i became what i already was.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
