I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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