More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
