my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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