Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
