She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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