Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
