As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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