So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
