im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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