I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
