i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
