I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
