I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
