she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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