She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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