bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
