I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
