ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize