hotel room ftw
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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