I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
