All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
