haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
