Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
