Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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