he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
