She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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