you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
