Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize