Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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